Thursday, September 5, 2013

Why Can't I Be a Normal Human Being?

You know one thing that I’m absolutely terrible at?



And by “resting,” I don’t mean sleeping, because I’m a total pro at sleeping. Seriously. Ask my husband. If there was some sort of Sleep Olympics, I would medal in that sucker.  Waking up every morning is like coming out of a coma.

But no—resting. Relaxing. Kicking back. “Me time.” Just being.  It sounds like the easiest, simplest thing in the world, but I have a really really really hard time with it. I start to get restless really quickly. The problem isn’t boredom—it’s the need to feel like I’m productive, to keep moving. (Thanks, America.) Even my hobbies are all productive--embroidery, photography, watercolors, writing, blogging.... I’ll sit down to just watch TV or read a book for a minute, and then my mind starts working overtime.
Wow, I really should vacuum the floor.
I should just throw a load of laundry in; that’ll just take a minute and I’ll sit right back down.
I could be working on that embroidery for mom while I’m watching TV.
I have to catch up on blogging; my posts are really sub-par lately.
When was the last time I washed the shower curtain?

I should, I should, I should.
I could, I could, I could.
I need to, I need to, I need to.

You know what I really need to do?
Calm the heck down and chill out for a minute.
Stop feeling guilty for being lazy for a single hour. 

Tuesday, I had the worst headache. I honestly felt like my head was going to pop off my neck at any moment and launch into space.  Like every other day, though, I had a to-do list running through my mind when I got off work and headed home.  I decided that I would just lie down until Tyler got home, and then I’d get up and be productive….but I didn’t.  I got up and went and sat on the couch, not wanting to move, but feeling horribly guilty. GUILTY. How ridiculous is that? I mean, really. I felt guilty about not doing anything for one.whole.evening.  I don’t think I’m in any danger of becoming a lazy bum any time soon, in case you were worried.

Thankfully, I realize how totally crazy that is (read: I am) and I’m working on learning to rest—even if it means I have to put it on that darn to-do list until I learn to do it naturally.


  1. I can completely understand that! There is always something to do - dishes to wash, laundry to fold, the litterbox to clean (no joke, I am seriously working towards toilet training my cats so I don't have to clean the litterbox anymore...) - the list goes on and on. The problem is the to-do list never gets SMALLER, no matter how much stuff you actually do (clean out the car, reorganize the closet) - so why keep plugging away at it?

    My to-do list today is massive, but I'm going to force myself to narrow it down - I'm going to clean my room, put my laundry away, and get a load of dishes done. I'm going to go pick up the birthday present for my dad, and tonight my friends and I are going to go out and have a blast (it's actually part of my "Hometown Tourist" project that I lucked into). I'm probably going to stop and get a Coke along the way, and I'm resisting the urge to run over to Elle's (it's on the other side of town! It's not practical! ...probably going to go anyway...) and see if they have any pumpkin-flavored truffles yet.

    I've found that sometimes, it's better to only set a few goals and make myself stop. The mess will still be there tomorrow and I can do it then.

  2. I can relate! Every time I do sit down to watch TV and relax I think, "Oh I could be folding laundry right now..." Or doing something more productive. We need to get a grip. :)


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