Comparison is the thief of joy, and I know this, but it's still hard sometimes. A lot of my friends are traveling pretty regularly, seeing things I've always wanted to see, and doing things I've always wanted to do. Some live in places I've always wanted to live. I don't know if it's jealousy, exactly, because I'm happy and excited for them--I just sort of get mad at myself instead. Why haven't I figured out a way to make it work like they have? Why isn't my life that exciting?
It's a growing season, for sure--I hate that term, "season," but it's really the best I have to describe the period of learning and self-reflection I've been in lately. I'm learning to be patient, which is hard for me--I've always been one to go full-force after the things I want. It's gotten me a lot of great memories, but it's also caused some pain at times, too. I can be impulsive and a little too free-spirited. It's okay to have a simple life, it's okay to enjoy the quiet & calm, it's okay to have dreams and goals but not be achieving them rightthisverysecond, Jess. It's okay to wait, to just be for awhile. Sometimes I think I live a little bit too much in the future. I've been trying to slow down, practice mindfulness, and enjoy the time between vacations--because that's my life, right? Not the 1% in Portland or the UK. And what I'm learning is, that as much as I love that 1%, the midwest 99% is damn good too. Changing leaves, falling snow, coffee dates with great friends, days at the art museum, concerts & comicons, and whole afternoons on the couch with a cat and good novel--that's where life happens.
And where life happens is where I want to be--and be really, fully, be. For 100% of it. Quiet and calm and all.