So lately, I've been feeling restless in our little one-bedroom apartment. There just isn't enough room for us (and all my books.....eesh), and I hate that people have to get a hotel room or sleep on the couch if they come to visit. I've spent the past year getting about 10 emails a day from Trulia and Zillow (I swear, I could tell you every single house for sale in the whole Springfield area!), and becoming all googly-eyed over a few listings, but feeling waaaaaaay too commitment-phobic about buying a house. I love Springfield, and I would be fine with coming back here eventually, but I don't want to live here forever. In a few years, I'd like to be living somewhere else for awhile (preferably somewhere on a small island between the Irish Sea and the English Channel if you get what I'm sayin'), and I don't want owning a house to keep us here longer than we'd like to be.
(Side note: I'm noticing committment-phobia is a reoccurring theme in my life. That's a whole different blog post.)
So after talking this through with Tyler, he agreed that we shouldn't buy a house without some long-term plans to stay; then he, pragmatist that he is, suggested we just get a two-bedroom apartment in the same building we're in now. Our discounts and maybe even deposit should transfer, and we wouldn't even need boxes to move. Brilliant right?
Right, except for the fact that I started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack.
I couldn't figure it out, at first--there was something about that plan that made me feel like I was going to suffocate, but I didn't know what it was. So I mulled it over for a couple days, and it hit me:
I have never felt home here.
Sure, we moved our furniture in, and hung things on the walls; we've eaten, showered, and slept here for over two years. In all that time, though, I never felt like we really made this space ours. So I brought this up to Tyler and we discussed it some more. He asked what exactly about the apartment made me feel that way; I always thought it was just the temporary nature of apartments, but before I even really thought about it, this is what came out of my mouth:
Outside of our things, there isn't a single thing about this place that I like--I hate the carpet, the countertops, the cabinets, the paint color, the trim....Everything is so cookie-cutter and completely devoid of personality. I just want a space that feels like us--and as hard as I try, I can't make it feel like us because those permanent aspects of the apartment are just so BLAH.
And that's it. When we picked these apartments, we were soon-to-be-newlyweds just starting our careers. These apartments were (and are) clean, safe, and cheap. They were in a great location for us at the time, because we took two different major highways to get to work, and they're close to both. But now? Well, now we're progressing in our careers, we both work in the city, and I just want more than clean/safe/cheap. I feel a little selfish for it (especially when Tyler is so function-over-form that it's not funny), but I have some major loft lust right now.
In the meantime, I'll keep trying to find ways to maximize our tiny space and make it feel more homey. All suggestions welcome. Oh, and thanks for listening to my excited rambling! Do I sound like a college student about to get her first apartment? Because that's a little bit what I feel like. I get to DECORATE....and maybe actually have it look like I want it to when I'm done.